This might find you in a moment of confusion and loneliness; this might find you in a moment of fear and sadness; perhaps a lingering longing for a return to normal, for what it was a month ago or last year or last Easter. This might perhaps find you in a moment of Blah, wha, gah or urgh. This might find you in a moment of deep pain, desperation, rage and complete overwhelm.

Wherever and however this finds you, it is valid, alright, and your right to be where you're at internally. Know you're not alone within this emotional turmoil; although it is all slightly different depending on our circumstances, there is definitely a collective painful experience happening in our world; we are all in it in some ways, and it continues to be crucial for us to reach out and try to connect, appreciate, help, soothe, support, nurture and encourage as best as we each can.

We are in a new normal. We are not going back to a normal, and are not waiting for a new normal. We are in a new normal. Let's acknowledge what this current new normal entails; what we miss from the past normal, what we hope in the future new normal, and most importantly, what we can learn to accept and adjust to in this current new normal.

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This week I want to talk about grief, this intense sense of loss we are all experiencing in different ways. From the loss of life, health, employment, safety, shelter and food security that many adults and families have been or are now experiencing, to the loss that children might experience in not having their play dates and recess time, adolescents not having their hallway nods and giggles or after school hang outs, to the school seniors missing out on proms and last games and graduation ceremonies. The loss of doing buddy breakfasts, monthly book clubs, adult sports, in person FACs, church services and meditation retreats, the loss of running to the store to grab the last few ingredients, or driving over to hang out with our older parents as we usually do. A significant amount of loss happening, collectively, within ourselves and within our world.

There is so much grief: the sense of loss, of not having that which we used to have or thought we would have today, this week, this month. There is so much loss happening; we must not ignore it within our bodies, within our families, our neighborhoods and our communities. We must acknowledge it in order to heal it and in order to learn from it.

We must also stay away from comparative suffering, that tendency to either minimize or glorify our loss or our pain. It might sound like "at least I have a house/job/friend/food" or "I can't believe they're complaining when they have a partner, etc".

There's no shortage of suffering, just as there's no shortage of compassion. In fact, the more we practice internal empathy and compassion for whatever our pain is, the better we can become at acknowledging and empathizing for others' pain and suffering. Your pain is your pain, and it is ok and possible for us to acknowledge both ours as that of others', even in the same breath. We can have both perspective and compassion at the same time.

Ideas:

1. Ask yourself right now, and then daily and often: what am I sad about right now? what am I missing? what do I wish I had or was part of right now?

2. Write down lists; create posters or charts, drawings or symbolic representations. Make family posters, 'sucky' jars or rip papers, throw rocks or break sticks as you each share of your loss or sadness.

3. Share it openly with someone you feel safe with. Ask them those same questions. Just listen; don't fix. Don't soothe, don't attempt to make it better right away. Just listen and allow for silence. Allow for honoring of what is right now, as opposed to trying to make it be something easier, lighter, more comfortable. Don't compare, shame, criticize or judge. Sharing grief stories is painful and uncomfortable, we can be with it and move through it slowly.

4. Create a daily check in system with yourself, or with a friend virtually, or with your family or book club. Check in with your 4 year old about their hearts. Check in with your teen about their blahs. Go around the circle and share. Acknowledge. Write it down. Put it in a jar, on a poster or in a book. Look through photo albums and reminisce about the memories. Bittersweet memories. Talking about it is not going to make it bigger or worse. Allow for sighs, tears, grunts or even meltdowns, then pick back up again.

5. Acknowledge the things you miss; what you wish you had again or in the future. Recognize what has and what does matter in your body. What your soul and body and mind want again in your life.

6. Recognize impact on others; what are they missing, what do they hope for, wish for, what would help others?

7. Make notes of these things, so that during this new normal that we are experiencing you keep searching and creating the things that matter to you, and you also work towards helping and creating others' hopes and wishes too.

8. And as the waves of grief return, you can learn to welcome it, honor it and grow from it. Over and over again, for a long time.

Being with our grief can help us soothe it, and it can help us understand it and understand what we can do in our lives to honor the losses. We can learn and move through grief, as we can learn from any of our emotions. We can learn to appreciate more, live more, and give more.

With gratitude,

Anca

PS Stay away from the media. Stay home--you might be getting agitated; stay home. Stay the course. Stay with this new normal for a while. Stay home.