What’s the first thing you think when your friend gives you hard news?

Or when they’re crying so hard they can’t even tell you what the hard news is?

Or when your person is desperate and raging and screaming and maybe even slamming cabinet doors and breaking plates?

What do you think when you find out your next door neighbor is dying?

…………………………

If you’re anything like me—and you are; we truly are the same—the first thing that comes into our minds is “Shit, I don’t even know what to say. What am I supposed to say?”

And then my mind goes into a million places and books and movies maybe even, trying to find the right words. I lose my ground, and yes, I lose my friend for a few moments. I check out. “Shit, what do I say? What do I do?”

Sometimes I jump out of my skin and hug and hold, and I forget to even ask if that’s OK. I’m so caught up in “what the hell do I say or do” that I end up doing what I would probably want—maybe what you might want—-but I’m not even sure that’s what that friend might want.

Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s not what the raging person wants. And because it does need to be said—if you’re not feeling safe around your raging person, leave. Leave the room, leave the house, leave the relationship. I’m all for understanding and healing rage but if you’re not feeling safe, do your best to leave. And if your best can’t get you out right now, please reach out to someone whose best can get you out. You’re worthy of feeling safe with your person.

With that said—and again, that right there, needs to be said again: you’re worthy—I was supposed to figure out what to say when big, hard news comes your way.

You know what, words are wordy and they can easily take us out of this moment, on tangents (see me, a couple of paragraphs above—and yes, that needed to be said, it is a worthy tangent, and you are worthy—) and before we know it, even important words and important tangents are still too wordy at times.

So, the next time your friend tells you hard news or your friend is ugly crying and your heart breaks for your next door neighbor and even though you might want to scream at the universe

“Why? Why? Why? Why this again? Why me? Why him? Why her? Why them? Why?”

Don’t say anything at all. Just breathe. And stay silent.

And when you feel your feet on the ground again, just simply say:

“I’m here. I’m just here. *Breathing* I’m here. I’m still here. Still here. *Breathing* I’m here. Right here. I’m here.”

Be still. I’m here.